Beyond chocolate, roses and shiny baubles, there's a lifetime of rolled eyes, questionable decisions and laughter. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and it can be easy for emotions to fall into a spiral of unrealistic expectations. After all, nothing says romance quite like the realization that ‘budget friendly’ is no longer a shopping preference, but rather a lifestyle. Let's face it, we all know that Valentine’s Day is nothing more than a flawlessly executed advertising campaign that subtly suggests true love must be proven with overpriced roses, heart-shaped candy, and/or shiny baubles, all of which lose their luster once the credit card bill arrives.  

     The older I get I can't help but laugh, roll my eyes and politely decline the commercial influence. Aging, while not pleasant, has afforded me the opportunity to view things from a unique perspective. I recognize that life itself is nothing more than a spec of moments in the overall time frame of existence. Let me guess, you're probably thinking, "Gee, Tammie, such optimism, how uplifting, sure can't wait to read more of the gloom and doom chronicles." Hear me out. Traveling down the so‑called “expressway,” I’m belting out sappy ’70s and ’80s love songs, drumming on the steering wheel and nodding along like I’m in concert, until I’m at yet another red light. I look around and can't help but laugh at the undeniable looks of judgement and smirks of condemnation from my fellow highway motorists. Their obvious disgust for my behavior either stems from the fact that I'm not "acting my age" or rather, they are simply allergic to morning people. (I'll take Morning People for $1,000, Alex.)

     Married for almost forty years, I know the non-morning person look. I am very aware of the stark differences between morning people, and well, NOT morning people! One would think that after so many years, our many differences would have merged to form a somewhat, meet in the middle, marital evolution; NOT even close!

     I have to admit, forty years ago I had no idea that the ceremonial "I do" and pledging to "love until death do us part" meant having to tip-toe around a non-morning personality. And that was just one of many idiosyncrasies that would surface! Hubs is definitely NOT a morning person. He prefers to stay up late and sleep half of the day. As for me, I am quite content calling it an early night and am always up before dawn. I have to ask, "What's up with non-morning people anyway?"  Seriously, why do non-morning people have to have a good forty-five minutes alone with their coffee before someone can even say "good morning"?

     All things considered, there is something to the solace found in a relationship that is comfortable and still remains fun. Relationships weather life's storms, trials come and go, and disagreements, or dare I say, arguments happen. LOVE is constant, whereas LIKE can be subjective and dependent upon the day. C'mon, you know it's true.

     Yes, I'm a romantic, but also realistic. Back in the day, Hubs and I shared a mix of blind faith and idealistic beliefs that we could simply "live on love." What can I say? We were young, in love, ready to take on the world and stupid. We lived paycheck to paycheck. Somehow, we were happy living our life, one day at a time. Life has a way of changing things up. Once kids came along, our reality train radically collided with our non-problematic world. Yes, having kids forced us to grow up, and grow up fast. When I think back, I can't help but shake my head in disbelief and wonder how we survived those painstaking, difficult years. 

     We struggled to make ends meet, and Valentine's Day was not a necessity, nor in the budget. When I think back on those days, I become angry; yes, angry that I allowed one single holiday to have the power to make me feel less than. Now before anyone gets their panties in a wad, let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with giving flowers, candy, or even dining out to express your love. I just want to encourage you to look beyond commercialism. 

     Reality, combined with years, can be a real eye opener offering a different perspective.  

1. A candlelight dinner hurts your eyes and makes it difficult to see your food.
2. Taking a walk in the snow isn’t romantic, it’s cold.
3. Going for a walk in the summer makes you sweat and let's be real, old people sweat is not attractive.
4. He still whispers those three little words, "hey, you awake?” 
5. Yes, it's true and I'm just going to say it. Size DOES matter! The size of your house, the size of your car, and most importantly, the size of your CLOSETS!
6. Never pinch a snoring person's nose closed, this can be dangerous...who knew?
7. The best way to resolve conflicts-he concedes!
8. Cable news means you don't have to stay up until 10.
9. Dinner AND a movie are code words for celebrating an anniversary, birthday, or Valentines Day.
10. Whispering sweet nothings in your ear is pointless when the other person keeps saying…what?

      This Valentine's Day, forego the crowds, the expense and just kick back. Order a pizza, stream a movie, catch up with old friends, and just enjoy the present. Whether married, single, rich, or poor, the key is in the ability to laugh, embrace each day, search for the silver lining in the midst of a storm, and realize that, in the end, everything else is just stuff!  

Happy Valentines Day